You know those toys you used to use as a kid? The one where you’d take a shape and insert it into the corresponding hole, notched into cheap white pine?

I’m pretty sure I only played with the “shape hole toy” when I was at the Dr.’s office as a child. I remember how gross those toys were, but especially this one. The laquer would wear off in certain places and a gray sticky resin would replace it. Yuck. This is not my point, so I digress.

This system of placing the shape in the wrong corresponding place has been a pattern in my life lately.

Married life: great.
Social life: great.
Work life: …

I checked all the boxes. Went to school, got a job, got another job, got another job.

I put all the right shapes in all the right places, so why am I feeling so unfufilled?

My friend Jen put it simply, “23 is a weird age to be.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

I keep seeing the people I know just in love with their jobs. Or in grad school. Or in Med school. Or in PT school. Or somewhere doing something following their passion.

Is medical sales really my passion? No. It’s not.

So what is driving my reason behind being here?
Well, the money is good, and the schedule is good, and it didn’t take any extra schooling to get here. There are days that I life with this tremendous regret that I never pursued my dream as a kid to become a Dr. And i know technically it’s “not too late”…but it kindof is.

There’s a lot of moving parts that would contribute to making Med school a reality for me; parts that would cause me to sacrifice greatly in areas of my life I’m not sure I can afford to.

23 is weird. I feel like I should have done more, should be accomplishing more, should be helping people more, should be contributing more.

This big old world has a lot going on, and I just wish I could find my place to best thrive in it.

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I wrote the above on August 4th at 11:33 pm.

Praise The Lord, I am in such a different place!

Recently in my small group, we’ve been talking focusing on the things that unify people, and not the things that drive people apart. In a very similar sense, I’ve been given clarity about my vocation, and what God wants me to do with it. The truth of the matter is this: there’s a great big world before me, and there are square holes, triangular holes, heck maybe a few octogons here and there.

God has me in exactly the shape he wants me in. There is purpose to where I am within my job, and outside of it. What a great feeling! I prayed for clarity, and an understanding of a bigger picture and I’m getting it more and more. For this I am so very thankful. I’m especially thankful to be able to look at posts like the one above, and see the ways the Big Man upstairs has delivered me.