I have been afraid to post anything on this blog for a couple reasons. Since I clearly don’t know what my boundaries with the internet are, let’s just put it all out there.
Posting on my blog would will both acknowledge and confirm that:
1. I quit my job.
2. My homecoming to Andrew was not near as glorious as I thought it was going to be.
3. This Navy thing is about to get real, and fast.
As I have been taught throughout my elementary, and collegiate education, let’s start chronologically.
1. I quit my job.
Um, hi, hello what? Yes who am I?
Parties and interactions with other human beings typically begin fun and ice-breakingly superficial. Then we brush past the small talk and then, THE QUESTION. “So, Brooke, what do you do?”
NO! No no no no no!
That question used to be so easy. Admittedly, I had a lot of pride in my answer. I have wanted to be a medical sales rep since I was a sophomore in high school, and I actually did it! My first year out of college, I got a job I was COMPLETELY under-qualified for because my boss took a chance on me (thank you, by the way). I nailed my dream job at 21 years old, and I was proud of that! So proud in fact, that I wore it like an identity. Now strip that away and I’m akin to the Discovery Channel series “Naked and Afraid”.
So what do I say? Reality is coming at me like a freight train and I’m standing still. It hits me, like a two ton zoo animal. What do I say? My mind races as I try to defend my honor as a motivated, strong person. I can not be revered as a Navy Dependopotomus (if you don’t know what this is go back to my first post).
Well, when I first got here, I made it clear, (probably painfully) at times that I had just quit my job, and was formerly a rep. As the weeks have gone on, I have begun to notice the importance in another job I’ve had since October 4th, 2013, one I haven’t given enough clout. Being Andy’s wife! I’m so bad at remembering how important this is, and I’m not going to pretend like I’m a pro, but I’m certainly trying. Now that it’s my one and only job, I have to admit I’m doing a pretty darn good job. (BTW Andrew, if you say differently, I’ll kick your butt/try to at least).
So there’s the abridged job thing. I could go on, but in the words of the beloved Fat Amy, “Eh, better not”. (If you haven’t seen Pitch Perfect yet, stop what you are doing and go watch it, NOW).
2. The glorious arrival
Yeah, it wasn’t glorious, like at all! There was no dramatic running scene, I did not jump into his arms, perfectly timed music did not play, and there were no fireworks.
Don’t get me wrong, that first hug was so wonderful; warm and promising. It was grand to not have to catch a plane and be tasked with another goodbye. It was great to be with my husband and feel like a real wife again. However, we had some jagged edges that needed the power of a professional grade belt sander.
I’m going to go ahead and take on most of the blame for this one. About 76.5% of the rough edges were mine.
If you’re like me, being vulnerable isn’t your favorite. Well, while Andrew and I were in this long distance marriage, I put up some walls. It’s stupid, and it’s probably unhealthy but it was easier for me. Not letting myself feel the fullness of how much I missed him was the only survivable way to get through the 3/4 of the year we were going to spend without each other. So I was loving, and caring, but at a safe distance.
As you can imagine, the walls didn’t come crashing down the day I pulled up in the driveway with a packed car.
I was sarcastic, distant, and tough to love. And the worst part was I was completely aware of how I was being, but I couldn’t just change it.
Thankfully, I have a husband who is ready to grab a pickaxe and chip away at me when I mortar the brick. Thankfully I love and serve a God that gives me grace, and encourages my husband to do the same. For that I am thankful, and for that I am equally undeserving.
3. Fortune Teller Tuesday
Selection is on Tuesday. The fate of our next 3-4 years will be decided on Monday and divulged on Tuesday. Nervous and anxious pale in comparison to the right words to describe my current state of mind.
I have home on the line. The chance to live once again in America’s finest city, to see my family, friends, Chargers, surf breaks, all of it.
Remember Brooke, God has a plan and it is good. God is good. San Diego is good. GOD PLEASE LET US GO TO SAN DIEGO!
Regardless, to Him all the glory, wherever we end up.
If you’re a praying person, and you’re not too busy, send a couple up for us?
2 thoughts on “reality, grace & fortunes”
Where ever you end up it will not be forever. Everything will work out and you will be better for it.
My prayers are with you sweetheart. You are so much more than a job, a wife, a daughter etc. You are a wonderful and unique person created by God. All will be well!