Hunger. It hits, and it hits hard. It taunts you as if food were just an idea you thought about when feeling particularly adventurous. Without warning the demanding organ is turning, aching, questioning you as to why you would be so negligent. Obediently, you open the fridge, you see nothing but expiration dates; reminders that everything before you is temporary.
This is the only appropriate imagery I can use to conjure my current perspective on life.
Everything is temporary, nothing but uncertainty is certain, there is an expiration date for everyone and everything around me. There is an aching desire to quench a need for permanence and consistency.
Perhaps the reason I have felt particularly comfortable seated on an airplane lately is that it’s the only time I have control of when everything is up in the air.
Let me be less obtuse: Andrew and I have no idea where we will be living in 2 months, (San Diego, Japan, Hawaii, Guam, Jacksonville, Norfolk). I am quitting the most amazing job I have ever had in February with no promise of another chance in this industry. We will need to find a new place to live, a new church, new friends, and new bars.
To a planner like myself, this is just a nightmare. When Andrew is given his written orders, we will have 3 weeks or less to find a place to live and begin to replant our roots.
I get so stressed out about all of this, it really scares me so much.
What I forget much too easily is that my trust and faith in God are essential here. Admittedly, I am struggling to make it a priority. I believe there is a plan for my life; that ultimately it is good, but for some reason I have trouble letting that be enough to sustain my ever racing heart and mind.
“Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered ” Proverbs 28:26
Nothing like reading through the book of Proverbs to make yourself humble. Ugh I’m a fool and I know it. At least I recognize it, I hear that’s the first step!
Well, here’s to trying to let go, and let God. Let’s see how this goes.
Oh, and God if you’re listening, PLEASE SAN DIEGO. And maybe a house in North Park, and a job in spinal device sales, and…okay I’ll stop now.